Brett Dergarabedian for The Onion

To Belieb or not to Belieb

BRETT DERGARABEDIAN

MIAMI—Canadian pop star Justin Bieber has recently come into some hard times after being arrested in Miami for drag racing, driving under the influence, underage drinking, resisting arrest without violence, driving with an expired license, and abusing illegal substances. In response to yet another negative headline for Bieber, the American public started a petition to deport the Canadian star. Both sides have voiced their opinions on the petition. The main advocate for the petition, Miami native John Burton, argues, “Bieber has poisoned our youth and ruined the respected pop industry. Letting Bieber stay leads to a very slippery slope. We the people need to take our country back and that starts with removing the problem.”

In response, 14-year-old Belieber Jenny Alexander tweeted, “OMG leave Justin alone!!! You just don’t get what being a teenager is like.”

Both sides have made convincing arguments, but the Beliebers have a lobbyist that may be able to convince the White House to reject the petition. Natasha Obama will be giving her father the silent treatment and even threatened to run away if the pop icon’s visa is revoked. 

The petition reads:

“WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:

Deport Justin Bieber and revoke his green card.

We the people of the United States feel that we are being wrongly represented in the world of pop culture. We would like to see the dangerous, reckless, destructive, and drug abusing, Justin Bieber deported and his green card revoked. He is not only threatening the safety of our people but he is also a terrible influence on our nations youth. We the people would like to remove Justin Bieber from our society.”

In order to get the White House to issue a response, the petition must have at least 100,000 signatures. Since its creation on January 23, 2014, over 200,000 Americans have signed this petition. Now that the petition has received over double the signatures needed, the Obama administration will have to seriously consider the proposal. This is not the first time pop culture has influenced the American people enough to start a petition that received enough signatures to make it to D.C. In previous years, petitions to build a Death Star, cancel Jimmy Kimmel Live!, and make Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA” the new national anthem all garnered strong, devoted support from the American population. Unfortunately, all of these modest requests were shot down by a government that has become disconnected from its public. From an international law perspective, the UN discourages deportation, but as always, nobody listens since the UN has no real power. If the petition is approved, a hearing will be held to determine the fate of the pop icon. Immigration visas can only be revoked in the event of a violent crime or a prison sentence that exceeds one year, and with the current charges facing Justin Bieber he could potentially serve up to one year in prison. Much to the dismay of over 200,000 citizens, the petition will most likely be another futile attempt from Americans to participate in Democracy.